


the past is written in almost's and should have been's

by zanthequeer



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-26
Updated: 2014-07-08
Packaged: 2018-02-06 08:01:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1850533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zanthequeer/pseuds/zanthequeer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"When she breathes in she expects to smell Robin – all cheap cologne and leather and outdoors – but instead what she gets is a mixture of the perfume she stopped wearing a few months ago, and the perfume Regina wears. It's almost enough to make her smile. Almost."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Emma looks over the lip of her cup, the coffee warming her nose. She stares at the woman sitting at the counter of the diner alone, probably waiting for a salad or some healthy shit. Emma scoffs and takes a sip of her coffee. She hasn't talked to Regina in a few months, and really she had no reason to. Regina asked for the divorce, Regina wanted the separation. Emma just had to deal with it like a big girl.

Ruby walked over and slid into the booth across from Emma, folding her hands on the table and giving her The Look. She gave her The Look when she first started dating the Mayor, and at their wedding, and again when Emma showed up at her doorstep at 2 am, crying with no place to stay.

“You can't keep doing this to yourself, Emma.” Ruby says quietly, like if she speaks any louder she's going to scare Emma away.

“I'm not doing anything.” Emma replied just as quiet. Ruby gives her The Look again but she's not looking in that direction to notice.

“You know she goes here with Robin every Friday night. You can't keep torturing yourself like this.” Ruby tells her. Emma scoffs and rolls her eyes.

“This is my relaxing night. It has nothing to do with Regina.” Emma lies, moving her eyes slowly from the brunette at the counter to the brunette sitting in front of her.

“Listen, I get it. True Love and all that shit? I get it. But you need to move on.” Ruby says a little harshly. Emma raises and eyebrow as Ruby's eyes light up with an idea. “We need to go out. Let's have a girls night!” She says enthusiastically and loud enough that a few people turn to stare, including the Mayor and her date, Robin.

Emma looks down at the table, a blush forming on her cheeks, and nodded quickly. She picked up the coffee cup and downed the last bit in one gulp. “Hey, I have a lot of, uh, paperwork to do. So like, I gotta go. I'll see you later, Rubes.” The lie rolls off her tongue easily from year of practice and she grabs her jack from the coat rack before basically running out of the diner and into the brisk December air.

-

Emma pulls down the edge of her dress to give it another inch or two before stepping into a pair of heels that she knows shes going to regret before the night's over. She walks into the bathroom and fixes some stray curls when her front door opens and Ruby announces her presence.

When Emma walks into the living room, Ruby is flipping through a magazine that was on her coffee table, too preoccupied to notice the blonde had entered.

Emma cleared her throat awkwardly, then said, “Ready?”

Ruby turned around and her jaw dropped to the floor and eyebrows rose to her hairline. “Wow Em, you look hot as hell!”

“Let's go.” Emma felt a blush creep up her neck and walked around Ruby to the door, ushering out to the hallway, turning the handle lock.

As they stepped out into the cold December air, Emma immediately wished she had brought a coat with her. The bar wasn't very far so they started walking, trying not to shiver too much.

Emma thanked all the gods for the heat in the bar. Whether it was from the heat being turned on, or the mass of bodies moving in the middle of the dance floor, Emma didn't care. She was just glad to be out of the cold. They weaved their way through the mass of bodies and found an empty table near the back.

Ruby immediately called over a waiter and got them 3 rounds of shots. Emma started to protest for Ruby buying the drinks but Ruby just waved off her comments. Emma looked around the dance floor, realizing she didn't recognize most of the people there.

“She's not going to be here.” Ruby yelled into Emma's year, making the blonde jump. She gives Emma The Look again and it causes the blonde to want to punch her in the face.

“I'm not even looking for her.” Emma replied too quickly. Before Ruby could answer, the waiter arrived with their drinks. Ruby raised an eyebrow and tilted her head back as she downed the shot quickly, challenging Emma to do the same. Like always, she did.

“Come on, let's go dance!” Ruby grabbed Emma's hand and pulled her to the middle of the giant mass of bodies. She yelled something but it was quickly drowned out by the thumping bass and yells of other people trying to talk over the music. Emma nodded anyways and started to dance, moving her body with the beat of the music and movement of the crowd.

It wasn't long before Emma felt someone dancing behind her. They held her hips as she moved side to side, leaning her head back and raising her arms with the rest of the crowd. When Emma started to get thirsty she turned around, yelled an apology and motioned to the bar while grabbing Ruby's hand and pulling her away from the crowd.

When they got to the bar Emma ordered the next drinks as Ruby leaned against the counter. “I saw you dancing with that guy!” She yelled over the music, leaning in so far that Emma could feel her breath on her lips.

“That guy? I don't even know who he is.” Emma yelled back.

The bar tender handed them their drinks and Emma paid, turning back to Ruby and downing her drink quickly. It burned going down her throat and she made a face, causing the brunette to laugh.

Ruby goes back out to dance while Emma sits at the bar and watches some guy get handsy with Ruby on the dance floor. Every time his hands start to wander, she smacks them back to her hips and dances even more provocatively.

Emma keeps drinking and before long she's pulling Ruby back out of the cluster of bodies and out the front doors. The cold air is like a smack in the face and Emma debates on going back inside.

“Are w-we going home?” Ruby slurs. She is completely smashed and Emma knows she's going to have a killer hangover tomorrow.

“Yeah Rubes, we're going home.” Emma can almost walk straight in her heels but takes them off to keep from tripping. She hands them to Ruby so she can better hold her friend up. During their walk home, Ruby falls 3 times (and into traffic once. Emma kept a better hold on her after that).

Emma – surprisingly – managed to get the giggling brunette home in one piece. “Go to sleep, Rubes.” Emma pushed her towards her front door and waited until the brunette was safely inside before starting the walk to her house, albeit rather clumsily.

Emma made it to her front door before she realized she didn't have her keyes with her. It happened all the time, so she started keeping a spare underneath the plant on her front porch. She felt under the plant and groaned, remembering using the key and leaving it on her kitchen table last week.

She stood up and turned around, watching the cars pass by on the street. The cold started to kick in and she shivered involuntarily, wrapping her arms around herself. It's fucking December, and the thought of a coat never even occurred to her before she left the house earlier.

Ruby's house is a pretty far walk and Emma doesn't think she could make it again without getting hypothermia, and Mary-Margret's house is an even farther walk. Emma thinks for a moment about whose house is the next closest, and through her alcohol induced brain she can only name two, and she's sure as hell not going to spend the night at Leroy's house.

Groaning, Emma steps off her porch and on the cold concrete. With her shoes in her hand, Emma started the short walk to the Mayor's Mansion.

Regina Mills is a woman who likes order and continuity, so when she got a knock on her door at 2 am she was upset. She was even more upset to find that woman had been none other than Emma Swan, dressed in an entirely too short dress and holding her heels in one hand, rubbing her arm with the other.

“Is there a reason you're on my doorstep at 2 am, Miss Swan?” Regina says after a beat of silence, enunciating the Miss so much that it makes Emma want to puke – and with as much alcohol as she had tonight, that could be a very real possibility.

“I got, uh, locked out of my house.” Emma slowly tried to pronounce each word correctly but it sounded wrong in her ears.

“Where is your spare key?” Regina snaps.

“I can't f-find it!” Emma wraps her arms around herself to try and keep the brisk air from giving her hypothermia, but if Regina keeps her out on the porch one more second she might end up with one less toe.

Regina looks her up and down, then sighs loudly – so Emma knows she is being an inconvenience – and steps out of the way, letting the blonde in the warm house. Emma drops her shoes by the door and starts following Regina up to the master bedroom. The brunette stopped at the top of the stairs and turned around to the blonde. “This is a one time thing, and in the morning I expect you to call a locksmith and get it sorted out.”

Emma nodded quickly. “O-one time thing. Got it.” She almost falls up the stairs but catches herself at the last minute. Did Regina do some renovations, because I can't remember when she had so many fucking stairs, Emma thought.

She follows Regina to the master bedroom and waits as she pulls out some clothes and shoves them into the blondes arms, then pushing her to the bathroom. When Emma get's into the bathroom she realizes Regina had given her a pair of her own cotton shorts and a white tank top that she must've left here. God, how long had she kept these? And why? Emma wondered.

Emma pulls the shorts and tank top on, then sits on the toilet seat and pinches the bridge of her nose. She's not sober enough for it to hurt much to be around her, but she's not drunk enough for it to be completely painless either.

“I'd like to go to sleep some time tonight, Miss Swan.” The way Regina says Miss Swan makes Emma sick, and before she can stop herself she's quickly lifting up the toilet seat and throwing up everything from earlier today. There's a sigh from outside the bathroom before the door opens and Regina walks over, pulling her hair from the toilet and holding it behind her head as Emma throws up once more. Emma doesn't have time to thank her for holding her hair back before she throws up the rest of her stomach.

When she's done, Regina hands her a bottle of mouthwash and leaves her alone in the bathroom. It takes Emma a few minutes to get the horrible taste out of her mouth but eventually she does, and stumbles out of the bathroom and clumsily walks over to the left side of the bed.

Emma looks at the pillows and pulled back sheets. This was her side of the bed, and she can only imagine how many times Robin has slept on this side of the bed. She wonders for a moment if Regina ever slept on this side right after she left, but pushes that image quickly away.

“Are you going to get in or are you just going to stand there?” She doesn't add the Miss Swan on the end of that statement and Emma almost looks up and smiles. Almost.

Instead, she takes a deep breath and slips underneath the warm blankets. She rolls over on her side and stares at the wall, then breathes out. When she breathes in she expects to smell Robin – all cheap cologne and leather and outdoors – but instead what she gets is a mixture of the perfume she stopped wearing a few months ago, and the perfume Regina wears.

It's almost enough to make her smile.

Almost.


	2. foolish mistakes on file

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hard seeing her again?” Mary-Margret finished for her. Emma nodded as she took a sip of her wine and leaned on the counter. “Really hard.” Emma muttered against the lip of her glass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was asked for another chapter, so I delivered! Let me know if I should keep going. I live off of feedback, so if you like it or you don't, please let me know! Thanks for reading!

Emma woke up with a major headache. The sound of the dishwasher running and someone moving around comes from downstairs. She sits up to find the other side of the bed empty and made neatly, as if the Mayor hadn't slept there that night and it was all a dream. Emma laid back down and let the smell of Regina wash over her like tidal waves for a few minutes. It's comforting while it makes her heart clench again. It seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

When she stands up, Emma finds a pair of jeans, a sweater and a pair of sneakers at the edge of the bed. She slips on the jeans – wondering when Regina had bought jeans – when she realizes they're the one's she made her buy because she told her to get that stick out of her ass. Slipping on the sweater she finds it's the ugly one Mary-Margret had knit for Regina as a present last Christmas. It really wasn't that bad, except Regina thought the animal on the front was a bear while Emma thought it was a hippo and Mary-Margret said it was a reindeer.

Emma walked over to the door and started to put on her shoes, trying to slip out unnoticed when Henry's voice rings out from behind her. “Emma? Why are you here?” His hair is mussed and he's still wearing the Captain America pajamas Emma had bought him.

“I was, uh just-” Emma stammers out when Regina enters from the kitchen.

“Miss Swan and I were just discussing matters involving you, Henry.” Regina lies perfectly.

Henry still looks confused but Emma nods quickly and walks over to him, kissing his head and ruffling his hair. “Gotta go, kid.” She walks out of the house and tries to stop her heart from beating out of her chest.

Henry turned to Regina after the blonde had left. “Mom, why was Emma really here?”

“I just told you, Henry. We were discussing matters involving you.” She lied easily, turning around and walking back to the kitchen to start breakfast.

“You don't have to lie to me. I'm not ten anymore.” He replied, puffing out his chest.

“I'm not lying, Henry.” Regina sounded hurt. “Why don't you believe me?”

Henry thought for a moment with his lips pursed. That was definitely a genetic trait, Regina thought. “Are you and Emma getting back together?”

Regina was taken by surprise with the question. She stilled for a second before shaking her head slowly and pouring the pancake batter on the heated pan. “No, Henry. Miss Swan and I are not getting back together.”

“Why?” The question made her stop in her tracks. Her knuckles turned white where she was gripping the counter top. Henry waited patiently behind her for a long moment before shrugging and going back upstairs to brush his teeth before breakfast.

To his back, Regina whispered, “Because it's not true love.”

-

“Yes...no, I need a key to my apartment. Yes, I know I had a spare...well I don't have it right now, do I? Can you just get me into my apartment please? Yes...thank you...goodbye.” Emma hung up the phone of the diner and leaned against the wall, resting her head on the cool tile. Her head was killing her and she basically felt like she had to throw up all day and now she had to deal with an annoying locksmith who might not be able to get into her apartment.

“Rough night?” Granny asked from the register. Emma nodded and groaned at the noise the register made when it opened. Granny laughed and poured a cup of coffee, handing it to Emma.

“I don't have any money with me right now.” Emma said to the old woman.

“It's on the house. You look like hell.” She winked at Emma and then went to help another customer. Emma made a mental note to give an extra tip next time she ate there.

After getting a ride to her apartment from Mary-Margret – who exclaimed how she could've stayed at her house – Emma met the locksmith who gave her another spare key.

“This time, don't lose it.” He said as he handed the key to her. She rolled her eyes and unlocked her door, kicking off her shoes as soon she got in her apartment.

Emma changed into her own clothes and rubbed her temples, knowing she had to do paperwork at the station but her hangover was so bad she was thinking about skipping it. After deciding that wasn't fair to leave David with that much work, she grabbed her wallet, phone, and keys and walked out to her Bug. She stopped at Granny's again and grabbed lunch for her deputy, then drove down to the station.

She dropped the greasy bag on his desk and he smiled, pulling out his lunch. “You're probably the best boss I've ever had.” He said gratefully between bites of grilled cheese.

Emma started filling out mindless paperwork that had to be done (most of it was due to the Mayor's office yesterday). She got about halfway through the stack when the phone rang.

“Sheriff Swan speaking.” She said quickly. The voice at the other end always made her breath hitch in her throat, and this was no exception.

“I assume the files that were supposed to be on my desk yesterday just got lost in the mail, am I correct?” Emma rolled her eyes.

“I have the files right here. I'll get David to bring them over.” She said, then hung up before the Mayor could say anything else.

“It's your turn, Emma.” David said without taking his eyes from his computer.

“No it's not. I did it last time.” She lied. She made David take the last stack of paperwork to the Mayor's office and she knew it.

“You already owe me a lunch from the last time. Its your turn.” Emma groaned and stood up from her hair, her hips and knees protesting from sitting for so long. She gathered the files and turned to her Deputy. “You're the worst employee I've ever had.” She grumbled as she made her way to the Police car. Unlike her bug, it had heating.

The snow had just started to fall when Emma got to the Mayors Office. Her boots slid a little bit with the falling snow. She walked into the building and past the secretary.

“Excuse me, Miss Swan! Mayor Mills is -” Emma ignored her and opened the doors to Regina's office, walking over to the Mayor who was sitting regally at her desk, probably plotting ways to torture the blonde.

“There you go, Miss. Mills.” Emma said sarcastically, enunciating the Miss as she dropped the files on the desk.

“Please Sheriff Swan, sit. I have something I need to talk to you about.” Regina opened the file and started looking over it.

Definitely plotting ways to torture Emma.

Emma stood behind the chair across from Regina's desk. “What do you need?”

Regina kept flipping through the file as she talked. “Henry thinks it might be beneficial to his growth as a teenager that you attend dinner at my house periodically throughout the month. I understand if this might be difficult to schedule around your work, so I will be willing to break the news to Henry that you won't be able to -” Emma cut her off.

“No! No, I can do that. I can make it. Just tell me the days.” Emma said quickly and enthusiastically. Probably a little too enthusiastically.

Regina looked up at the blonde and pursed her lips. “Every Friday night. We have dinner at 6. Don't be late.” She looked back down to the file on her desk. “You may go now.”

–

“Do I look okay?” Emma looked in the full length mirror at her outfit. Instead of her usual tank top and skinny jeans she was wearing a nice blouse and skinny jeans. Hey, it's a step up from a tank top.

“You look fine. I thought you were just going over to Regina's.” Mary-Margret said from Emma's bed in the corner.

“I still want to look nice.” Emma replied, nervously tugging at the blouse. This was the 5th outfit she's tried on.

“I don't understand why.” Mary-Margret muttered before she took a sip of tea.

Emma sighed and turned around. “Mary-Margret...”

Her roommate put up her hand to stop Emma from saying anything else. “I don't understand why you love her, but I'm not here to judge.” Mary-Margret looked at the clock on Emma's side table. “Aren't you supposed to be there at 6?”

Emma glanced at the clock. “Shit!” She ran down the stairs and grabbed her jacket and keys before running out the door.

–

“When's Emma going to be here?” Henry asked his mother excitedly. He glanced at the clock nearing 6 and then looked at the door, like if he stared hard enough his birth mother would come walking through.

“I assume Miss Swan will be here soon, Henry. Go set the table please.” Henry groaned but went and started setting the table.

Regina twisted the ring on her right hand and checked the clock again.

5:53.

She took a glance at the door before turning back around and stirring the soup. A few minutes later the doorbell rang. Henry ran to get it and beat Regina by a few seconds.

“Hey mom!” Henry wrapped his arms around his birth mom and then backed up so she could enter the house. Regina nodded slightly in her direction before closing the door behind her and walking back to the kitchen, checking the time once more.

5:57.

Henry went back to setting the table and Emma followed Regina into the kitchen. “You made it just in time, Miss Swan.”

The way she enunciates the Miss still makes Emma's stomach clench. Thank god she's not intoxicated or she would've puked all over Regina's shoes. Emma smirks at the memory of that time she puked all over Regina's shoes. The brunette didn't let her sleep in their bed for a week and made her buy Regina a new pair of shoes.

“Something funny, Miss Swan?” Regina pulled her out of her thoughts and back to the present.

“Nothing.” Emma replies quickly, then goes to help Henry set the table for their dinner.

–

“So how did it go?” Mary-Margret asked when Emma walked through the door. After throwing her jacket on the couch, she went and poured herself a glass of wine. “That bad, huh?”

“It wasn't bad – it was...” Emma was at a loss for words to describe dinner.

Uneventful? Painful?

“Hard seeing her again?” Mary-Margret finished for her. Emma nodded as she took a sip of her wine and leaned on the counter. “Really hard.” Emma muttered against the lip of her glass.


End file.
